New Orleans has ruined parades for me. That seems like a harsh statement, but throughout my life I have been to many parades outside this wonderfully off-beat city of ours and been bored to tears.
Not that I do not appreciate the spectacle of the Rose Parade or like seeing the array of D List stars in the Hollywood Christmas Parade or even enjoy sacrificing limbs to frostbite at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Parade, but I want something more in return than a crappy camera pic of a cute float.
Throw me something, I mean please New Orleans parades are an interactive workout. No one outside the city truly gets the rush of catching that light-up bead, Rex Doubloon, Endymion Cup, Zulu Coconut, Muse Shoe, Nyx Purse or god forbid, a roll of toilet paper from Tucks. The Cherry Blossom Parade in DC was stunning, but after a few floats in the rain, waving at the beautifully outfitted riders just did not cut it. Without that stimulation of raising my hands and yelling at the parade riders, I just found my mind wandering, thinking up new ways to entertain myself. So thank you NOLA for giving me another reason to love you even more. Besides after you been to a parade in New Orleans, all other just seem like traffic to me.
Anyway, I decided to pen a little tune to celebrate the Mardi Gras season. Keep in mind, this rendition of a Christmas classic may only be appreciated by New Orleanians, because after all why the hell would a true love of yours give you maids a milking or drummers drumming. What does that even mean? No, in the Big Easy, a real true love would throw you something from a float you can brag to your friends about. Please do not judge to harshly, I am not a songwriter (hell I barely can sing without dogs howling), but I hope you enjoy. (Note: it becomes much catchier when you sing it starting from the last one and work your way down.)
Here it goes, The Thirteen days of Mardi Gras:
1) On the first day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me:
a Muses glittered shoe in a size three.
2) On the second day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
two feathered boas.
https://helmii.com/collections/mattress.
3) On the third day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
three King Cake babies.
4) On the fourth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
four Zulu Coconuts.
5) On the fifth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
five Gold Doubloons.
6) On the sixth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
six beads a blinking.
7) On the seventh day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
seven jello shots.
8) On the eighth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
eight Go Cups.
9) On the ninth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
nine stuffed animals.
10) On the tenth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
ten pearl beads extra long.
11) On the eleventh day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
eleven balls a bouncing.
12) On the twelfth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
Twelve Frisbees a flying.
13) On the thirteenth day of Mardi Gras my true love threw to me
thirteen roses a dyed!
Have a happy and safe Mardi Gras everyone!